A rite of passage.

Have you ever eaten leftovers and then realized that a few hours before you, someone had also eaten those leftovers and now had food poisoning? I haven't either but that is what running feels like to me. No, I'm not referring to the "I'm going to explode volcanic sludge out of me any minute" feeling, I'm referring to the fact that I know what I have to look forward to.

Some of my in-laws have already run half-marathons and even full marathons and they know the rites of passages that come with running long distances. I have seen into my future through them.

One of the first honors of running I experienced was what I like to call, "the runner's runs". Yup it's pretty much what it sounds like. When you run for a while, your insides get jumbled up and they become sadistic in nature. It's like The Haunting of Emily Rose going on in my colon (or it could have been the shady Thai food we ate the day before) but when you are out in the middle of nowhere, what do you do?

Actually, on my long run where I first experienced this, I wish I was in the middle of nowhere. I was actually smack-dab in the suburban parts of Rexburg and I had no coverage. Forget toilet paper, I needed to find a place where I wouldn't moon some poor soul. For a while, I seriously considered popping a squat in a dried-up canal. I'm so lady-like. Luckily I made it home in time and all was well.

Since then, I haven't had any more runners runs which I am thankful for. Instead, it has been replaced with this: 

Why yes I did take a picture of my foot and yes, I may have photoshopped it to get rid of some callouses and whatnot but the brown toenail, that, my friends, is not fake.

It has been sore for a while but ever since my 8 mile run (I know, right!), it has been eeeeessspecially sore and I wondered why...I'm not sure if my toenail is completely coming off or if I have a major blood blister under it but either way, I'm pretty stoked. Why?

Because it's one less toenail I have to clip and paint and if people ask me what happened, I can say, "It fell off when I was training for my half-marathon, you've probably never run that far so......"

Just running 13.1 miles, You've probably never done that before...

So for now the little toenail is holding on. I don't know whether to wiggle it like a loose tooth or pop it but maybe the thing has a mind of it's own and is holding off until the end. Wouldn't it be epic if it fell off after the race? It would be all:

And then I could dramatically yell, "NOOOOOOOOOO! WHY, GOD, WHY? TAKE ME!"

Maybe I should just say that at the end of the race regardless of what happens. Now THAT would be epic.


DaNelle said...

Hahahahahahaha!! Oh Jess I am laughind so hard right now!

Juls said...

Jessica I have not experienced the toenail thing. Doesn't sound like fun. Do you think it's your shoes? I cannot wait for you to finish this run! That is awesome you've made it 8 miles, WAY TO GO!!
On a side note I am finding out what I am having next Friday the 13th. I hope that doesn't mean anything freaky will happen.