I used to have nightmares that I really needed to go to the bathroom but everywhere I went, the stall was used or there was no door. I just HAD to have my privacy when "going". Besides, I have dignity. I think.
Well that dignity was lost at my 5k race.
I was so nervous before the race that, naturally, I had to go. And this wasn't just a "Oh I just need to pee a little". No. Oh, no. It was a, "OMG I need to, no, HAVE to squeeze a loaf before this race".
So as I lined up behind all of the other ladies who had to go (there was no line in the guy's bathroom...typical), I slowly realized that there were only two stalls and none of them had doors. It wasn't like they had broken off it was like they had never been built! To make matters worse, the door to the bathroom was wide open so not only could the people in the small, concrete bathroom see you "going", all the ladies standing in line could, as well.
What kind of sadistic, S.O.B. would ever have the audacity to build a bathroom with no doors?!
Next thing I knew, I was pooping as fast as my colon could muster. Right smack-dab in front of everyone. And it's not like I could hide it either! Obviously the girl quietly grunting and taking double the time in the first stall is going a little more than #1, if ya know what I mean?
To make it even more awkward, the girl who was waiting in line behind me gave a side-ward glace as she passed me to get to the next stall. I know she couldn't help it. It's like seeing a naked lady in the locker room, you WANT to look anywhere but at her but you always accidentally see everything. As did she. Our eyes met briefly and just as quickly as they locked, our glance at each other broke. But do you know what?
At that point, I really didn't care.
I had my race to concentrate on that was starting at any moment and most importantly, everybody poops! All of the ladies that went to the bathroom that day went through the same thing I did. They all had to expose themselves to "go" before the race.
As I look back, maybe it was for the better. I had sunk pretty low that no matter how the race went, my dignity could only go back up.
And it did. Beat that, suckas! The girl who pooped in front of every lady in the line for the 5k got 2nd place in her age division!
That day, I realized that if you act like it's no big deal, then it isn't! But sometimes it's still hard. I do this a lot. Especially with my body. I pretend like I don't care that I am the only one on my husband's side of the family to have child-bearing hips and thunder thighs. I know that no matter how many 5k's I run, I will always have my body type. The child-bearing hips and thunder thighs will always be more prominent in my body whether I am a size 12 or a size 2. But you know what?
I like that about myself.
Sure I struggle with it from time to time but every girl is in the same race I am in. Every girl has something about them that they would like to improve and change. So maybe it's about time I practice what I preach.
This Friday my family and I are going to McCall to go boating, swimming, and camping. I really want to wear this:
No shorts. No cover-up. Just strait-up vintage, pin-up, 1950's goodness. Yes my legs are white as ever and yes I have stretch marks and cellulite but who does have a perfect body?
So what do you say? Do you think I could be brave enough to wear it out and about at McCall or not?