Ventsday

Today is Ventsday!

Time to get out all of those angry and pent-up feelings that accumulate from stupid people that always seem to be there just to ruin your day. When it comes to venting, there are a few rules:

1. The venter is always right.
2. Other people are always stupid.

So let us begin:

-Why is there NEVER enough checkout lines open at Wal-Mart? I know, I know - It's my fault for shopping at the white-trash breeding ground in the first place but let's be real, Wal-Mart is cheap and sometimes when you live in a town that has a total area of 4 sq. miles, it's your only choice.

I like to call Wal-Mart, "The Death Star" (courtesy of my brother-in-law) because it is pretty much an evil corporation that sucks the life out of our universe.

I swear, though, every single time I shop, there are 20 checkout lanes but only 3 are open. Then, the 3 that are open are at the opposite side of where I parked. I mean, I don't get my panties in a bunch over a little more effort to walk, but this just adds insult to injury.

I declare this a fail on Wal-Mart's end.
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-I honestly don't have road rage. Really. I'm usually so calm when I drive. When people cut me off, I thank them and they pray for them to arrive safely at the hospital (because they have the benefit of the doubt). Oh it's okay; I'm sure wherever you have to get to is way more important than the life of me and my child's. Dear baby Jesus, bless them...

But one thing that really gets to me are Burley drivers because they drive so slow! I'm not talking about a 5-under offence here, I'm talking a 15 to 20-under offense and if you think I'm kidding, I'm not. This shiz be real. I don't kid 'bout no shiz!

Do you remember playing Mario Kart as a child and weaving in and out of the other drivers? In Burley, that's real life sans magic boxes with bananas and star boosts. Yeah...  'Cmon, Burley, get your head outta your butt!
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-This one may hit a sensitive spot but.... it's Ventsday, so refer to rule number 1.

I am really tired of seeing women post on Facebook about how their husband is the best. The post is dripping in goo and mush with an overdose of glitter, smiley faces, and GAG!

Lean in real close because I'm about to tell you something:

NO ONE CARES

No one cares that your husband painted your toenails because you've become too much of a lard while pregnant to do so yourself. No one cares that your husband just cleaned the whole house, cooked dinner, delivered a litter of kittens, potty-trained your toddler, and rid the world of cancer so that you could go to bed early. No one cares that your husband is the epitome of Ryan Gosling via The Notebook.

Mmmkay?

And I'll tell you why no one cares, because either:

1. Readers are in a good place in their marriage where they don't feel the need to justify why their husband is already doing (or not doing) amazing things like your post is so publicly displaying.

or

2. Readers are in a bad place in their marriage to which they compare their ghetto, Joe Dirt-like husband to your husbrag post and realize that their marriage is failing. Thus begins downward spiral to suicidal-depression and wedge of conflict in marriage.

If your husband does something amazing for you, then thank them. If I get a scholarship for school from a rich philanthropist, I'm not going to go up to random hobos and say, "Hey thanks for the money, I'm really going to need it" and I shouldn't have to explain why.

Get it?

I should see no more posts like this.

Ever.
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Now it's your turn. Go ahead and vent about anything you want; big or small.

So what do you have to vent about?

4 comments:

Ann Barlow said...

AGREED!! You made me laugh :)

Cameron's Corner said...

Doorbells. I hate them. I hate everything about them. If I'm not close enough to the door to hear you knocking quietly, then go away.

That's all for now, I guess.

Jen said...

I rage at kids who come over at 8:30 pm!!! people... hello my gingers are in bed by 7. Parents it is not polite to have your kids ring the doorbell or knock, which I agree Cameron break them off, waking up my kids and having meltdowns because they can't play. I know how to handle it.......put them in bed. Wow I am a beast.

Ansel Leigh said...

I love the Wal-Mart comment. I never shopped there until I went to college. Speaking of Wally World, there's a smell that comes with every one of those stores. You can be in Kansas and it'll smell the same nastiness that the one in Las Vegas/Rexburg has. (Except Rexburg's is worse, because they have Subway right there at the front too.)

And it bothers me when people get their "there/their/they're" and "your/you're" mixed up. Come on kids!!! We all went to elementary school. I thought we could have figured it out by now!